Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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