I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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