Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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