the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
