my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two words: blizzard sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
