what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
