Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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