I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
