He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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