i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize