Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
