12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
