Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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