How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
