Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
