nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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