at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
