he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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