You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize