I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
