Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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