OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
