who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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