I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
