I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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