Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
