Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
