I wannas sexs uuuuu
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
