there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
