Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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