good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
