im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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