Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
