We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
