1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
