How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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