I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
