I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
