dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
