she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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