A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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