he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
