All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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