dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
