Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
