My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
