I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize