I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
