it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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