Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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