And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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