I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize