We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
