Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently you make a good broom.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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