It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
