Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
whose parrot is this?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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