Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
one might say we're banned from that church
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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