I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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