I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
